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I depend upon being depended on, so when I saw you yesterday with another shoulder to lean your head on, I felt redundant and ran away. And I don’t want to be the thing that I have called you since I knew your name. I always said that you were the dependent one, it looks like things have changed. It looks like I have taken your place.

Twenty-four hours since I left you behind, and I’ve thought of nothing but you. I must have checked voicemail twenty-four times, so who’s depending on who? And I don’t envy me a thing when that phone rings and you’re on the other end. Cause I know exactly what you’re gonna say, don’t pull this shit again unless you don’t want to be my friend.

No one wants to be pushed around by nobody, least of all the one they used to push around. But maybe now you’re feeling righteous because I wronged you, so my control scheme continues to stand, I hold your ego in my hands, and such rationalizations help me feel like the master till you trump me and call me a manipulative bastard.

I depend upon being depended on, let’s call it my stock in trade. And if you pluck from my lips what I nourish on, I’ll secure it some other way. I hate to break it down to make it sound like this is the only way it can be. But we have to come to a round agreement on which dependence it’s gonna be, and I think that you’ll find that you can’t escape depending on me.


from Personnel Envelo​-​file (1997), released February 18, 1997




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