Pillowcase

from by Thunderegg

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I’ll shut up now, I can see the words I say cut through you and still worm their way to the heart that was mine till today. The words I add make the cutting cut cold and fast. I regret what I have said but I know that words can’t take words back. What’s the point to making this whole thing break if we not only lie alone, we lie alone and cold awake? It was a mistake, whatever it was we discussed, far too much for 2 a.m. to ever be entrusted with.

I can hear you singing in the next room, something that you made up, something I’m afraid we’ll never do, till it’s too late and I’ve lost you.

I’ve lost my way. I can hear my heartbeat race, dashing in my inner ear, up against my pillowcase. But just last night I heard yours pounding in your chest, and where we’d be in twenty hours, neither of us would dared have guessed. But we knew then, somewhere it jumped the tracks. And though some derailings can be fixed, another train’s coming, we can’t go back.

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from Universal Nut (1995), released October 31, 1995

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